Never too LATE To Be great!
3 am Phone Vibrate
Me: *rolls eyes *
Me: *runs to the bathroom*
Ladies we have all received those late-night texts or rather sexts that have required us to completely undo our nightly routine! Like so rude!!! You’ve already put on your nighty and wrapped your hair now here comes big dick bae! Now your brain borderline explodes. Not only are you only half alive but now you're really horny! Then the real question pops up: can you really perform at your best??
I’m here to give you three quick tips to conquer the art of late-night loving! How to wake up and get in the mood, how to stay ready so you don't have to get ready and the secret you never knew about the booty call!
1. Talk Dirty To Me
If you’re a grandma like me sometimes when the call comes through you’re already asleep, chances are drool and a bonnet are involved and unless I was having a wet dream the yoni is not out to play! Some warming up is required...an absolute must…. so what better way to get in the mood than some dirty talk!
Ladies, You know your attention span best ..... if you need to focus on getting ready then stay on track don't try to do too many things at once.
...the world has Trey Songz, Tank, Jill Scott, Janet Jackson and so many sexy singing men and women
Have your playlist ready girl!
Pick the sexiest, make you wet, I just want to touch myself songs on so all you can imagine while you’re getting ready is being bent over by the drunken person on their way to you!
NOW for my multitaskers, you can just pick up the phone and start the foreplay via text
‘Tell me what you want to do to them’
…. ‘I can’t wait to lick’
…. ‘I’m going to make ur toes curl’
…. She’s already dripping for you
You get the point (but if you don’t SEXT!)!
& don’t hold back because this warm-up phase is important!
2. Home Ho Bag
Yes, I said it! Have a bag prepped and ready like you're Jenifer Lopez in Enough trying to get away ..but you’ll only be going to the bathroom and the only thing getting beat up are your walls. Anyways in this bag, you should have your sexy fit that may look different for everyone mine looks a little like this
“Insert picture of Fenty lingerie”
Here is the Home Ho Bag Starter Kit
A Cover-up; oversized shirt or robe - you have to open the door and you want to be able to transition quickly and still put on a show of course
Perfume -something subtle and not too overwhelming you are dealing with a person who senses may be heightened so pick something noticeable and soft
Washcloth - this will serve two purposes pre and post-wash to make sure the yoni is fresh then refreshed. Its a lot easier to have one packed and ready then to realize you didn’t do laundry and now you have to use a shirt to wipe off cum.
Brush/comb, ponytail holder - Depending on your hairstyle just have something that you can use to whip that hair into a quick style without taking out your flat iron
BB cream - Me personally BB cream saves my life in those quick moments when I need to be out and about and don’t feel like doing my full ten hours of makeup lol… The same concept applies here BB cream gives the perfect little pop to bring your face some life,
Lotion, lube, condom - don’t let the little details ruin the bigger picture! Have your own tools on deck just in case your partner doesn’t have the goods.
Chains n Whips - or any other kinky toys you want to use make sure you include just one even if it's something simple like a blindfold or more interactive like a cock ring! The first step in moving out of your comfort zone is making it easy and accessible. Have whatever enhancement you want to try close by so it can be introduced before you think about it too deeply.
With time the Home Ho bag will get filled with more than what you've read above but make sure its only what you require and not a bunch of what-if items. The bag is less efficient if you have to take the time to search through it to find what you need.
The grab and go will have you feeling like you are about to go and save the day! In theory, you are because the yoni is magical! You won't be running around your house like a crazy person because you have no idea where the matching bra to your thong is ... it will all be in one place. Realistically you may have a few things to hunt down but you’re not looking for the world and you only have 10-20 min to find it!
3. The secret you’ve never known about booty calls
Would you believe me if I said you were a mind reader, well strap in because you are one. That gut feeling, your 6th sense, all the signs from above that dictate what you will or will not do yup Booty Calls fall under that category.
Ladies, we know what we’re okay with doing even before we are willing to admit it...We hold the power to watch the phone while it rings and completely ignore it while scrolling on IG or Pinterest & in the morning nonchalantly say “I was asleep” or “why would you ever call me this late!!”
When it comes to your lover(s)/partner(s) you've most likely observed some type of pattern to where you can predict when you're
1. overdue for a dick appointment
2. his first “I’m drunk let me pull up” call
3. at that “we’ve been sexting, phone boning too long let me come over” point
We ladies are forward thinkers and as much as society may shame booty calls we know we love them just as much as everyday lovemaking. The late-night spontaneous sex makes life a lot more entertaining and also a plus for ladies' talk. So the secret is ...you can predict when the booty call is coming so stay prepared so you don't have to get prepared.
If you’re single and mingling or locked in with a lover these three tips will keep you on top of your game with minimum effort and maximum efficiency!
Send me a picture of your Home Ho Bag, and remember to replace what you take out after every use.
Happy Late Night Humping!